Dear Santa: You can find David Jentsch in NY this year
‘Twas a month before Christmas
And all through the labs
His bloody victims were screaming
Restrained on their slabs
Security cameras were hung by Jentsch’s henchmen with care
As he trembled that the ARM might soon visit him there
He hired security goons to escort him to and fro
And pined for the days when he wasn’t so well known
But James David Jentsch became a sadist a long time ago
And he forfeited all rights to live in peace the day he decided to torture his first victim!
Among his countless victims that span decades, Mr. Jentsch has demonstrated a disturbing penchant for addicting monkeys to drugs, driving them insane in their cages, and carving up their bodies and brains in UCLA’s dungeons. Having earned too much attention in California where he was also a vocal cheerleading shill with AMP-funded Pro-Test for Science, Mr. Jentsch is now opening up shop at Binghamton University. That’s right, Santa! this deviant recently moved across the country to a nice quiet enclave in upstate New York where he believes he will be allowed to continue to ply his sadism in peace and anonymity. So let’s keep this our secret, okay? We wouldn’t want to upset him.
Look at the beautiful estate Mr. Jentsch purchased for 270,000 blood-money dollars on September 2, 2015:
His new home has 2 bedrooms and 2 baths. And here are some other lovely rooms. But what kind of Christmas present does one buy for the sociopath who has everything?!
So, Santa, we know you’re very busy at this time of year. And we just wanted to make sure that you didn’t lose track of Jentsch. Like all serial killers, he is very mobile leaving dead bodies scattered like used Kleenex in his wake. It’s just very fortunate that activists from coast to coast will never let him squirm out of our sight.
Also, Santa, this might be helpful for you if you’d like to greet him in the hallowed halls of Binghamton University next semester:
Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!
Sources for this article include Press Connects and zillow.com. Eleventh Hour for Animals are activists and journalists who hope this information will encourage Constitutionally-protected legal protest. We do not condone any form of illegal activity.